i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
