i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
