god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
