So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
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Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
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We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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