Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Randomize
