Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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