In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
