Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
