the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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