it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
