an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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