then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you inspire me to be a worse person
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
