I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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