Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
