I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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