I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
