The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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