For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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