I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She liked it
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
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Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
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What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place