So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
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He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
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Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.