Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.