Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.