You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.