Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club