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I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
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