i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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