did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
