Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
