if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The adults are the big ones right?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
