I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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