he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
