someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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