It's Friday. Sex?
and she was petting her beer can
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
