I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
