i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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