I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
