a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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