You smell like stripper and shame
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
