can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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