She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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