girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
