so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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