Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
