Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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