Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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