I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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