I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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