I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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