onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
my nose is crying tears of wow.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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