you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
