Christians are straight up FREAKS
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
