I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
