Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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