That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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