We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
