I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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