so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
