She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
