did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
