we have officially mastered the walk of shame
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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