STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Walk of Shame today included voting.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
