it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
