lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
