just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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