soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
