like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
