Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
