i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm determined to sit on that face.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
