so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
