is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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