i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
