Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
