I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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