I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
