if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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