i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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