It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
