No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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