i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
