So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
