I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Randomize
