I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
