eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
