and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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